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The Importance of Needs
Most of us grew up being given messages like “don’t be so selfish”, or “I want doesn’t get”. Actually this is far from a healthy truth. We all have needs which come from different aspects of ourselves and it is very important that these needs are met. In fact it is only when our own needs are met that we can truly support meeting the needs of others. The more our own needs are met, the more able we are to support others to do the same. Think of the analogy of the oxygen masks in the aeroplane “please fit your own mask before helping others”. Most of us accept this as sensible advice but don’t apply this thinking to our own needs, often making our needs less important than those of others.
There are many ways of exploring what our needs are and many models awe can apply to help us understand them. Abraham Maslow defined an interesting set in his “Hierarchy of Needs”. Starting with Biological and Physiological Needs such as food, sex and shelter and ascending through the different levels of Safety, Belonging & Love, Esteem and finally reaching Self-actualisation., he defines a set of principles which categorise human needs. His belief was that basic human needs like food, sleep and warmth need to be met before “higher” needs such as affection and personal growth can be addressed.
The Luxury of Emotion
There is much to be said for this. We are very privileged in this society that we live in a world where our basic needs are almost always met. Very few people reading this will be unable to feed or house themselves. This is not true for many people alive today in countries in the developing world. It seems to me that only once a society has developed sufficiently to a level where these basic physiological needs can readily be met that people are able to engage in the luxury of having feelings.
Our grandparents’ generation “survived perfectly without emotions”, as my grandmother used to tell me! Of course whilst this isn’t true, it may be said that historically when there was more risk of an early death from disease or less surety of regular food, etc. that emotions were a luxury which it may have been difficult for our ancestors to access as easily as we can today.
Chakra Model of Needs
Another model of needs is related to the chakras. We are beings who operate at many different levels. These can be defined by the chakra system. It makes sense to me then that our needs may also be linked to the corresponding chakras.
There is some overlap here between Maslow’s mode land the chakra model. Basic needs such as food, safety and a stable home environment could be said to relate to the base chakra. This chakra is also about grounding and connecting to the energy of mother earth. It is from here that our physiological needs must be met. Without a strong and stable base, it is much harder to have our other needs met.
Second Chakra
The second chakra relates to our sexuality, to creativity and to emotions. We have needs which must be met which relate to this chakra. The expression of sexuality, which Maslow puts under Biological and Physiological needs, is a core need of every human being. This does not mean that we must have sex, but that our being has a need for us to recognise and honour our sexuality. For example, I have a friend who is a nun, a mother superior, who is, of course, celibate but who acknowledges her sexuality and honours it without needing to act it out. For example she acknowledges that she finds certain men physically and sexually attractive, but she does not act on these feelings. Recognising these feelings and needs is the important part of this dynamic, not acting them out. It is the non-recognition of this part of ourselves which causes the distress. Denying and suppressing our sexuality will cause dis-function and even physical illness. But this does not mean that if you’re not having sex or choosing to be celibate that you are in denial, simply that you may not feel the need to act out in behaviour that part of yourself which you acknowledge to be a present and important part in your life.
Other second chakra aspects include creativity and emotion. We are all creative beings, even if we have received negative messages about our creative talents. It is only the limiting force of the ego which stops us from being beautifully, wonderfully, creatively expressive.
Similarly we are all emotional beings. Those of us who may be more mind identified (i.e. relate more easily to thoughts than feelings), still experience emotions but may suppress them. To be fulfilled we need to be able to express ourselves emotionally, sexually and creatively. These needs relate to the second chakra.
Third Chakra
The third chakra is the seat of our personal power, of our Will and our sense of self at an egoic level. If we don’t experience positive affirmation of ourselves as children, this sense of self can often be weakened and lead to unclear boundaries. This is no where more true than in sex. An unclear sense of self can lead to unclear thoughts about what is acceptable and what isn’t sexually. If the boundaries between what is OK for you personally and what isn’t are unclear, it is all too easy to find ones self in sexual situations which we may be uncomfortable with. These may be emotional unsafe experiences or they may even be physically unsafe. This is a common result of unclear boundaries borne of an unclear sense of self.
Working with clients as a sacred sexual healer, one of the most important things I do for women is to empower them to say “No”. Too often men persuade, bully, cajole and sometimes force women into situations about which they are not comfortable with. Being able to say No clearly and firmly comes from having a strong enough sense of self respect, and a firm enough Will. All this comes from having a good connection with our third chakra. The result of not having the needs of our solar plexus met can be physically and emotionally dangerous.
The needs of the third chakra are not just about boundaries but also about having a presence in the world and having that presence acknowledged by others. It is about the space you occupy in this life and having that recognised by others.
Fourth Chakra
The Heart is the next chakra. The needs of the heart are to love and be loved. This flow needs to be met both ways. Being loved is not enough. Loving another is not, alone, sufficient. For the needs of the heart to be met Love must flow both ways. And Love must be met. If Love is offered and not received, at a human level, its needs are not met. I am talking here about the personal qualities of Love, not the Transpersonal. The nature of Transpersonal Love is Unconditional Love. This is something which operates at another level to normal human love though we are all capable of experiencing it.
We could say that there are four elements to the needs of Love. Giving Love, Having that Love received, Being offered Love, receiving Love. In a situation between two people each person must both give and receive Love for it to flow fully and freely between them. Only in doing so are the full needs of human Love met.
Fifth Chakra
The fifth chakra resides in the throat. This is the seat of expression, vocalisation and truth. The needs of the fifth chakra are around communication. It is important to express your feelings and to state clearly your truth. The expression of personal truth will come from either Love or Will. Statements of so called “positive” emotions come from the heart and are the expression of Love. Truth statements about what are sometimes called “negative” emotions (anger for example) or around boundaries come from the third chakra and are the expression of the Will. The important thing is that both are expressed through the throat chakra.
It is the active communication of these truths which is the significant part of these needs. There is little point in having clarity about our boundaries or in feeling deep love for another if we don’t communicate that to the other. It is the expression of empathy, for example, not simply empathy itself which matters in relationship.
Sixth Chakra
The Third Eye or Sixth Chakra is the seat of intuition and insight. Not listening to our intuition can lead us to put ourselves in situations which do not serve us and may endanger us. We are not opening ourselves to the full range of possibilities in our world if we do not listen to our intuition. Closing down to the possible through not meeting the needs of our sixth chakra limits us and cuts us off from the ability to expand, both personally and transpersonally.
Activating our intuition we have knowledge. This is knowledge as opposed to intellectual understanding, more than a rational construct. This knowledge gives us a trust in ourselves and our circumstances. It gives us trust in being at the right place at the right time, in making right decisions and following the right path.
With our intuition activated we make more of life because we make the most of opportunities and of lessons when they come to us. Your experience of life becomes fuller, more magical and you are more inclined to dive in and engage with it fully.
When you have trust, this leads you to the crown chakra.
Seventh Chakra
The needs of the crown chakra are both the most basic and the highest of our needs. This is to re-connect to the divine source that is both our origin and the essence of our being as we are today. Our transpersonal needs are as important as any of our other needs and to deny them leads to physiological disease just as much as unfulfilled needs from other chakras.
When your needs of the crown chakra are met you are aligned to your highest purpose. You are truly fulfilling yourself and your potential. When you realise that you are acting for your highest good, you start to see the greater good, the good for all, the connection with source.
Part of this connection with source could be a devotional practice. When you feel you have a higher goal which you are fulfilling, this may manifest as a feeling of harmony and a real sense of divine order and it will bring feelings of gratitude. This can be expressed as a devotional practice or a positive humanitarian attitude. Viktor Frankl in his book “From Death Camp to Existentialism” talks about prisoners in Auschwitz. He noticed that those who had a belief in a higher power or purpose were more likely to stay physically fit and thus to survive. He makes the link between having an awareness of connection with source and this giving one additional resources which helped them to survive the horrors of Auschwitz.
Needs and Relationship
In the same way that as individuals we have needs corresponding to each chakra, it is also true that we are most fulfilled when all these needs are met in us as individuals. An extension of this is that if we are in relationship, we are most fulfilled when the needs of each chakra are acknowledged and met by our partner. Too often the cause of broken relationships is because our needs are not met in relationship by the other. By creating awareness of our needs, expressing them clearly to or partner and having them met by the other, we have the opportunity to create a relationship which fulfils us completely by meeting us and seeing us at each level.
Of course not all relationships meet all of our needs and although this may be the ideal state of a relationship it is not always possible. What is important if our partner cannot meet all of our needs is that they acknowledge that we have these needs which come from each chakra and that it is our natural state to want to have them met. If a supportive partner is unable to meet your needs themselves, it is helpful if they can acknowledge that you have these needs and help to support you on getting them met through other means. This will lead to a feeling of being seen and honoured by your partner even if they can’t meet all your needs themselves. Of course the reverse is true in that your partner may want you to be willing to support their needs in a similar way.
In conclusion meeting our needs is one of the most important things that we can do. If we don’t acknowledge and take steps to meet these needs they become distorted and it is very easy to act out unhealthy behaviours which are distortions of our real needs. Alternatively we can become embittered, angry or even physically sick as a result of suppressing our needs. We put our own needs on hold at grave peril to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.
Friday, 21 May 2010
Friday, 7 May 2010
The Shape of a Woman
Oceanic Bliss
The natural state of the feminine is to be in her flow. In her true state, she is oceanic bliss. So often they do not allow themselves to experience this blissful state of fluidity but when they do, they are deep, mysterious, ever-changing, sometimes dangerous, sometimes serene, powerful and changeable. At some point the tide will be coming in. This may be a woman’s “Yes!” At another time the tide will be going out. This may be the woman’s “No!”
We simple, much more linear men, can get very confused by this. “What do you mean – No? Yesterday you said Yes to the same question!” This ever-changing nature can confuse and frighten some men. The truth is that the feminine is much more present in the moment than the masculine. She is a state of energy in motion and as such, her Yes’s and No’s may change in each moment. But this doesn’t make them any less true. When her tide is coming in – it’s a Yes. When it’s going out, it’s a No. Men: we may true to stand in the way of this tidal flow...but I wouldn’t recommend it. The oceanic state of the feminine will do whatever is right for her in each moment.
Too often this changeability is too much for a smaller man to handle. When a woman is in her full flow, she is in her power. This scares some men, so they try to limit her. Men who are not in their full masculine will often try to block, dam or channel the feminine into some path, some lesser flow that suits them and feels less threatening. If a woman allows this she allows an essential part of herself to be reduced and her power fades in that moment.
Women & Boundaries
Sometimes a woman may be disconnected from her feminine flow. This may be because she does not have a strong sense of herself, a sense of who she is as a fully powerful, mature woman. This unclear sense of self is sadly very frequent and is especially true of those who have experienced sexual abuse, particularly in childhood. This can manifest as having unclear boundaries, particularly around their sexuality.
A woman must be clear about her Yes’s and No’s, otherwise she can too easily find herself in situations, especially sexually, where she is behaving in ways which her body, heart or emotions do not want. Since Western society prizes the mind above all things it ignores feelings, intuition and the body.
This disconnect from the body, coupled with unclear sense of boundaries can lead people (and in this society women are doubly susceptible) into situations which they later regret or may even sometimes be unsafe. Men can be very good at exerting pressure on women to perform sexual acts which they may not feel comfortable doing but don’t feel able to say no to. So, learning our own personal boundaries is essential to having healthy interactions with others, even if it is just a brief sexual encounter.
The Water & the Ice Tray
Sometimes women without a clear sense of self look to others to create it for them. Again this is often true sexually. A woman lacking her own sense of self and being unclear about her boundaries may look to her partner to create them for her.
In this situation I see the woman in her natural state a fluid, she is water, flowing and changing. But being unclear of her own boundaries she pours herself into the container created by the masculine. If this is an unhealthy exchange the man may seek to limit her. The image I use for this is of water being poured into an ice cube tray. The feminine is in her flow, but being unclear of boundaries looks to the man to provide them. Instead of giving her freedom, he pours her into a container which he defines himself – the ice cube tray. Allowing herself to become limited by the man, she becomes frozen. She is no longer in her own flow but she is so relieved to have some sense of boundaries that she accepts this static, frozen position. But the limits are not set by her, but my the man. She has given away her power. The man is controlling her, but in limiting her he denies both himself and her the joy of experiencing a woman in her full power and the beauty of a woman in her flow.
The Wine & the Wine Glass
However, it is true that in order for the feminine to fully be in her flow, she needs to feel safely contained. A woman will hold herself up until she feels able to relax into her flow with a man who creates a safe enough container for her. But men: this does not mean limiting the woman.
For a healthier analogy of the masculine creating a safe container for feminine I like to think of a wine glass. The masculine is the wine glass, creating a safe environment for the woman. It is solid, has a firm base and can hold whatever the woman brings.
The woman, of course, is the wine. Poured into the glass, she retains her fluid state but is safely held. To savour a really good wine you must allow it to breathe. A fine wine must be given the freedom to move in the glass so that all its richness and subtleties can shine forth. To bring out the flavour of a good wine you do not stopper it, the wine glass has no lid on it. The feminine can move within the glass, in a swirl of her own richness. She has space to breathe and in doing so will release the subtle delights which only a woman can offer.
So, although a woman needs a safe container to feel free enough to move, she is not to stopped up or frozen, otherwise she will lose her essential fluidity and disconnect from her feminine. Like a fine wine, a woman should never be frozen or limited.
The natural state of the feminine is to be in her flow. In her true state, she is oceanic bliss. So often they do not allow themselves to experience this blissful state of fluidity but when they do, they are deep, mysterious, ever-changing, sometimes dangerous, sometimes serene, powerful and changeable. At some point the tide will be coming in. This may be a woman’s “Yes!” At another time the tide will be going out. This may be the woman’s “No!”
We simple, much more linear men, can get very confused by this. “What do you mean – No? Yesterday you said Yes to the same question!” This ever-changing nature can confuse and frighten some men. The truth is that the feminine is much more present in the moment than the masculine. She is a state of energy in motion and as such, her Yes’s and No’s may change in each moment. But this doesn’t make them any less true. When her tide is coming in – it’s a Yes. When it’s going out, it’s a No. Men: we may true to stand in the way of this tidal flow...but I wouldn’t recommend it. The oceanic state of the feminine will do whatever is right for her in each moment.
Too often this changeability is too much for a smaller man to handle. When a woman is in her full flow, she is in her power. This scares some men, so they try to limit her. Men who are not in their full masculine will often try to block, dam or channel the feminine into some path, some lesser flow that suits them and feels less threatening. If a woman allows this she allows an essential part of herself to be reduced and her power fades in that moment.
Women & Boundaries
Sometimes a woman may be disconnected from her feminine flow. This may be because she does not have a strong sense of herself, a sense of who she is as a fully powerful, mature woman. This unclear sense of self is sadly very frequent and is especially true of those who have experienced sexual abuse, particularly in childhood. This can manifest as having unclear boundaries, particularly around their sexuality.
A woman must be clear about her Yes’s and No’s, otherwise she can too easily find herself in situations, especially sexually, where she is behaving in ways which her body, heart or emotions do not want. Since Western society prizes the mind above all things it ignores feelings, intuition and the body.
This disconnect from the body, coupled with unclear sense of boundaries can lead people (and in this society women are doubly susceptible) into situations which they later regret or may even sometimes be unsafe. Men can be very good at exerting pressure on women to perform sexual acts which they may not feel comfortable doing but don’t feel able to say no to. So, learning our own personal boundaries is essential to having healthy interactions with others, even if it is just a brief sexual encounter.
The Water & the Ice Tray
Sometimes women without a clear sense of self look to others to create it for them. Again this is often true sexually. A woman lacking her own sense of self and being unclear about her boundaries may look to her partner to create them for her.
In this situation I see the woman in her natural state a fluid, she is water, flowing and changing. But being unclear of her own boundaries she pours herself into the container created by the masculine. If this is an unhealthy exchange the man may seek to limit her. The image I use for this is of water being poured into an ice cube tray. The feminine is in her flow, but being unclear of boundaries looks to the man to provide them. Instead of giving her freedom, he pours her into a container which he defines himself – the ice cube tray. Allowing herself to become limited by the man, she becomes frozen. She is no longer in her own flow but she is so relieved to have some sense of boundaries that she accepts this static, frozen position. But the limits are not set by her, but my the man. She has given away her power. The man is controlling her, but in limiting her he denies both himself and her the joy of experiencing a woman in her full power and the beauty of a woman in her flow.
The Wine & the Wine Glass
However, it is true that in order for the feminine to fully be in her flow, she needs to feel safely contained. A woman will hold herself up until she feels able to relax into her flow with a man who creates a safe enough container for her. But men: this does not mean limiting the woman.
For a healthier analogy of the masculine creating a safe container for feminine I like to think of a wine glass. The masculine is the wine glass, creating a safe environment for the woman. It is solid, has a firm base and can hold whatever the woman brings.
The woman, of course, is the wine. Poured into the glass, she retains her fluid state but is safely held. To savour a really good wine you must allow it to breathe. A fine wine must be given the freedom to move in the glass so that all its richness and subtleties can shine forth. To bring out the flavour of a good wine you do not stopper it, the wine glass has no lid on it. The feminine can move within the glass, in a swirl of her own richness. She has space to breathe and in doing so will release the subtle delights which only a woman can offer.
So, although a woman needs a safe container to feel free enough to move, she is not to stopped up or frozen, otherwise she will lose her essential fluidity and disconnect from her feminine. Like a fine wine, a woman should never be frozen or limited.
Monday, 3 May 2010
Love or Fear?
Expansion & Contraction
One of the meanings of tantra is “expansion”. In tantra we can say that everything is either expanding, or contracting. This is true for us as human beings. On a physical level we are usually either breathing in or breathing out – our chests (and bellies if we breathe more fully) expand or contract with each breath. In fact all living creatures follow a similar process of expansion and contraction. Respiration is one of the five core criteria which make up the scientific definition of life itself. Others include nutrition and excretion; both of which are also a form of expansion and contraction (the others are movement and reproduction in case you were looking for the full set). So every living creature from single celled organism to human and other large animals engages in this continual cycle of expansion and contraction.
However, it’s not just all living things which follow this pattern. At a cosmic level we can also observe this phenomenon of expansion and contraction. Galaxies expand and then finally collapse, contracting into black holes. Physicists tell us that the Universe itself is currently expanding. However at some point it will cease its massive expansive phase and begin to contract again until possible creating the ultimate black hole consisting of the entire universe.
Love or Fear?
On a more human level we are also expanding and contracting on an emotional level as well as a physical one. There are many motives which can govern our actions, but ultimately we could say that all of these may be reduced to a simple binary choice. Do we act out of Love or Fear? Consider each action that you take. Consider, at a deeper level, what drives your action. There is always choice. If we act from a place of Love then this will be Love at a higher level. Love itself is non-egoic. It does not serve the self alone, but your higher Self, which is connected to the divine. An action motivated by Love is expansive. If you act with Love you may feel a sense of your heart expanding. You may feel as though you are radiating Love and energy in all directions. Since Love is non-egoic, it serves not only yourself but also others. It serves to expand our sense of self beyond our own boundaries, to include others into it. This is the expansion which comes from Love.
The Use of Fear
Fear usually acts to protect the ego. Our natural state is to be expansive but life and experience teach us that it’s not always safe to be totally open and expanded. As children we have learnt that certain behaviours or parts of ourselves are not welcomed by our parents, teachers and other early care givers. So we hide them and learn to protect against showing them, either because they were not acceptable or not seen when we presented them as children. So we develop protective armouring which keeps these parts of ourselves hidden most of the time. This armouring is useful because it protects the vulnerable parts of us from attack. At the time that we developed the armour it was necessary to keep us safe –even essential, one could argue, for our survival.
It may be that this armour still serves a purpose in our lives but most likely we have outgrown it and it has outlived its usefulness. If this is so, we may find ourselves clinging onto it for security and this can cause us to react out of fear, contracting back behind our shields. I’m not saying armour is wrong; simply that it may no longer serve us. If you become aware of acting from a place of fear, take a look at your armour and see if you used it in that moment.
Love /F ear Exercise
This is a beautiful exercise to do with a partner or even just a friend. Sit opposite each other and gently look into each others’ eyes. It’s not a staring competition, blink if you need to. Just allow your gaze to rest in theirs. Allow yourself to see the other and, just as importantly, allow yourself to be seen by the other. Become aware of your breathing, allow it to soften and relax into meeting each other through the eyes.
After a few moments of settling into this position, begin to note inside yourself whether you are feeling expansion or contraction. Then speak out loud the corresponding word – either “Love” or “Fear”. Each continues to speak one of those words in each moment, maintaining eye contact all the while. Note how you respond to the others’ “Love” and “Fear” responses. Note if you get into a “Love” cycle – one of you expressing Love and then finding the other reacting to this with Love – or a “Fear” cycle – meeting Fear with Fear. If it’s a Fear cycle see how you can break it. Find the place within yourself which still holds Love in spite of the Fear you are experiencing and see if you can speak from that place and change the dynamic between you. If you’re in relationship with the other, see if this mirrors a dynamic in your relationship and see if you could find a way of doing things differently.
Where possible, I believe in making things as simple as possible and sometimes bringing life down to the binary choice of Love or Fear can serve to highlight where our actions come from. Of course we aren’t always going to be aware of this but it’s useful to hold onto this concept as you go through life. If you keep practising your awareness of the actions of Love or Fear you will become better at it and be more able to make choices which stem from Love than Fear.
One of the meanings of tantra is “expansion”. In tantra we can say that everything is either expanding, or contracting. This is true for us as human beings. On a physical level we are usually either breathing in or breathing out – our chests (and bellies if we breathe more fully) expand or contract with each breath. In fact all living creatures follow a similar process of expansion and contraction. Respiration is one of the five core criteria which make up the scientific definition of life itself. Others include nutrition and excretion; both of which are also a form of expansion and contraction (the others are movement and reproduction in case you were looking for the full set). So every living creature from single celled organism to human and other large animals engages in this continual cycle of expansion and contraction.
However, it’s not just all living things which follow this pattern. At a cosmic level we can also observe this phenomenon of expansion and contraction. Galaxies expand and then finally collapse, contracting into black holes. Physicists tell us that the Universe itself is currently expanding. However at some point it will cease its massive expansive phase and begin to contract again until possible creating the ultimate black hole consisting of the entire universe.
Love or Fear?
On a more human level we are also expanding and contracting on an emotional level as well as a physical one. There are many motives which can govern our actions, but ultimately we could say that all of these may be reduced to a simple binary choice. Do we act out of Love or Fear? Consider each action that you take. Consider, at a deeper level, what drives your action. There is always choice. If we act from a place of Love then this will be Love at a higher level. Love itself is non-egoic. It does not serve the self alone, but your higher Self, which is connected to the divine. An action motivated by Love is expansive. If you act with Love you may feel a sense of your heart expanding. You may feel as though you are radiating Love and energy in all directions. Since Love is non-egoic, it serves not only yourself but also others. It serves to expand our sense of self beyond our own boundaries, to include others into it. This is the expansion which comes from Love.
The Use of Fear
Fear usually acts to protect the ego. Our natural state is to be expansive but life and experience teach us that it’s not always safe to be totally open and expanded. As children we have learnt that certain behaviours or parts of ourselves are not welcomed by our parents, teachers and other early care givers. So we hide them and learn to protect against showing them, either because they were not acceptable or not seen when we presented them as children. So we develop protective armouring which keeps these parts of ourselves hidden most of the time. This armouring is useful because it protects the vulnerable parts of us from attack. At the time that we developed the armour it was necessary to keep us safe –even essential, one could argue, for our survival.
It may be that this armour still serves a purpose in our lives but most likely we have outgrown it and it has outlived its usefulness. If this is so, we may find ourselves clinging onto it for security and this can cause us to react out of fear, contracting back behind our shields. I’m not saying armour is wrong; simply that it may no longer serve us. If you become aware of acting from a place of fear, take a look at your armour and see if you used it in that moment.
Love /F ear Exercise
This is a beautiful exercise to do with a partner or even just a friend. Sit opposite each other and gently look into each others’ eyes. It’s not a staring competition, blink if you need to. Just allow your gaze to rest in theirs. Allow yourself to see the other and, just as importantly, allow yourself to be seen by the other. Become aware of your breathing, allow it to soften and relax into meeting each other through the eyes.
After a few moments of settling into this position, begin to note inside yourself whether you are feeling expansion or contraction. Then speak out loud the corresponding word – either “Love” or “Fear”. Each continues to speak one of those words in each moment, maintaining eye contact all the while. Note how you respond to the others’ “Love” and “Fear” responses. Note if you get into a “Love” cycle – one of you expressing Love and then finding the other reacting to this with Love – or a “Fear” cycle – meeting Fear with Fear. If it’s a Fear cycle see how you can break it. Find the place within yourself which still holds Love in spite of the Fear you are experiencing and see if you can speak from that place and change the dynamic between you. If you’re in relationship with the other, see if this mirrors a dynamic in your relationship and see if you could find a way of doing things differently.
Where possible, I believe in making things as simple as possible and sometimes bringing life down to the binary choice of Love or Fear can serve to highlight where our actions come from. Of course we aren’t always going to be aware of this but it’s useful to hold onto this concept as you go through life. If you keep practising your awareness of the actions of Love or Fear you will become better at it and be more able to make choices which stem from Love than Fear.
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