Love or Fear?

Expansion & Contraction
One of the meanings of tantra is “expansion”. In tantra we can say that everything is either expanding, or contracting. This is true for us as human beings. On a physical level we are usually either breathing in or breathing out – our chests (and bellies if we breathe more fully) expand or contract with each breath. In fact all living creatures follow a similar process of expansion and contraction. Respiration is one of the five core criteria which make up the scientific definition of life itself. Others include nutrition and excretion; both of which are also a form of expansion and contraction (the others are movement and reproduction in case you were looking for the full set). So every living creature from single celled organism to human and other large animals engages in this continual cycle of expansion and contraction.

However, it’s not just all living things which follow this pattern. At a cosmic level we can also observe this phenomenon of expansion and contraction. Galaxies expand and then finally collapse, contracting into black holes. Physicists tell us that the Universe itself is currently expanding. However at some point it will cease its massive expansive phase and begin to contract again until possible creating the ultimate black hole consisting of the entire universe.

Love or Fear?
On a more human level we are also expanding and contracting on an emotional level as well as a physical one. There are many motives which can govern our actions, but ultimately we could say that all of these may be reduced to a simple binary choice. Do we act out of Love or Fear? Consider each action that you take. Consider, at a deeper level, what drives your action. There is always choice. If we act from a place of Love then this will be Love at a higher level. Love itself is non-egoic. It does not serve the self alone, but your higher Self, which is connected to the divine. An action motivated by Love is expansive. If you act with Love you may feel a sense of your heart expanding. You may feel as though you are radiating Love and energy in all directions. Since Love is non-egoic, it serves not only yourself but also others. It serves to expand our sense of self beyond our own boundaries, to include others into it. This is the expansion which comes from Love.

The Use of Fear
Fear usually acts to protect the ego. Our natural state is to be expansive but life and experience teach us that it’s not always safe to be totally open and expanded. As children we have learnt that certain behaviours or parts of ourselves are not welcomed by our parents, teachers and other early care givers. So we hide them and learn to protect against showing them, either because they were not acceptable or not seen when we presented them as children. So we develop protective armouring which keeps these parts of ourselves hidden most of the time. This armouring is useful because it protects the vulnerable parts of us from attack. At the time that we developed the armour it was necessary to keep us safe –even essential, one could argue, for our survival.

It may be that this armour still serves a purpose in our lives but most likely we have outgrown it and it has outlived its usefulness. If this is so, we may find ourselves clinging onto it for security and this can cause us to react out of fear, contracting back behind our shields. I’m not saying armour is wrong; simply that it may no longer serve us. If you become aware of acting from a place of fear, take a look at your armour and see if you used it in that moment.

Love /F ear Exercise
This is a beautiful exercise to do with a partner or even just a friend. Sit opposite each other and gently look into each others’ eyes. It’s not a staring competition, blink if you need to. Just allow your gaze to rest in theirs. Allow yourself to see the other and, just as importantly, allow yourself to be seen by the other. Become aware of your breathing, allow it to soften and relax into meeting each other through the eyes.

After a few moments of settling into this position, begin to note inside yourself whether you are feeling expansion or contraction. Then speak out loud the corresponding word – either “Love” or “Fear”. Each continues to speak one of those words in each moment, maintaining eye contact all the while. Note how you respond to the others’ “Love” and “Fear” responses. Note if you get into a “Love” cycle – one of you expressing Love and then finding the other reacting to this with Love – or a “Fear” cycle – meeting Fear with Fear. If it’s a Fear cycle see how you can break it. Find the place within yourself which still holds Love in spite of the Fear you are experiencing and see if you can speak from that place and change the dynamic between you. If you’re in relationship with the other, see if this mirrors a dynamic in your relationship and see if you could find a way of doing things differently.

Where possible, I believe in making things as simple as possible and sometimes bringing life down to the binary choice of Love or Fear can serve to highlight where our actions come from. Of course we aren’t always going to be aware of this but it’s useful to hold onto this concept as you go through life. If you keep practising your awareness of the actions of Love or Fear you will become better at it and be more able to make choices which stem from Love than Fear.